In Honor of Rob

Tomorrow, October 6, it will have been a year since our friend Rob was murdered.  He was shot for no reason other than he was there, in the wrong place at the wrong time, for some young, hopeless gang member to kill in order to prove he was worthy of the gang.  Word of Rob’s death came directly from his wife, and how she was able to make that call to us, and likely to a number of others that day, is beyond me. When she told me he’d been shot, my only words were “oh my god.” repeatedly. I stammered, not knowing quite what to ask or to say, until she finally said, “Adele, he’s dead.”  I can’t even get this far in writing about it a year later without crying. 

Rob’s death hit us hard.  Harder than we might have imagined, if we’d ever imagined such a thing happening to him.  To anyone we knew.  Senseless. So ridiculously senseless.  Rob’s death left behind a tsunami of hurt and grief and changed the landscape of the lives of not only his family and friends, but also of each perpetrator involved.  How can they not have known that when (not if) they were caught, that their lives would never, ever, NEVER be the same, that they’d never have the opportunity to turn things around?  I cannot imagine the kind of life that leads a 19 year old young man - teen- to such a conclusion that his life may as well be over, why not take out a few others before it is?  

Rob was my husband’s childhood friend.  He grew up around Rob’s family, almost an honorary brother.  Ernie was first a friend of Rob’s older brother, since they were closer in age, and Ernie was a part of that brother’s wedding party.  As years passed, Rob and Ernie naturally became pals and eventually Rob was the best man in our wedding.  Rob married a year before we did and we all got along well. Rob was the kind of gentle giant who was always there to lend a hand, to share a laugh and a beer, to cheer you on in whatever endeavor you plunged into.  Rob loved people and had a heart larger than life.  He had found his love, his Becky, and he was a happy man at peace with the world he inhabited.  We had no idea how many lives he had touched until we attended his funeral. This was a beloved man with no enemies. His family meant the most to him, above all else, but he always had time for anyone else and I doubt he ever knew a stranger.  

Rob’s death has left Becky a widow.  She still grieves profoundly and likely will for a long while. Who can blame her?  Isn’t it enough that she daily endures the emotional turmoil of losing her husband to such a violent end, but also must wade through the murky waters of revenge, of “being a good Christian” while wanting to see Rob’s killers brought to a severe justice.  Life has turned her world upside down.  No one can fix it or make it better or bring her peace, although we wish that we could.  We all grieve for the loss of a good man.  But she will grieve endlessly for the loss of her lifetime companion.  There cannot possibly be any justice. 

Rob, we miss you terribly and profoundly.  May your place in the Universe now be one of peace, love and beauty.